


Antagonise

by PinkViking



Category: Red Dead Redemption
Genre: Abuse, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Has Anger Issues, Bisexual John, Canon-Typical Violence, Dry Humping, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Violence, Oral Sex, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Sexism, Sexuality Crisis, Swearing, Unresolved Sexual Tension, confused arthur, minor F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-28 13:42:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17184071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkViking/pseuds/PinkViking
Summary: Arthur was in a bad mood. There was no two ways about it so, to make himself feel better, he does what he does best. Antagonise John Marston.Thing is, John gets the better of him and Arthur finds himself spiraling into a crisis full of self loathing and confusion instead.





	1. Gone Fishin’

**Author's Note:**

> Very mild spoilers for Chapter 3.
> 
> Thank you in advance for reading.

Arthur was in a bad mood. There was no two ways about it and the worst part was there wasn’t any one reason for it. Just a bunch of small things built up over the day, testing his patience and winning. It all began with a particularly rainy morning which resulted in his tent flooding, soaking all his belongings. This was then followed by Dutch lecturing him about responsibilities for what felt like an age. Later that morning he’d had a run in with Micah, which never failed to put him in a foul mood and now, Mrs Grimshaw was in his face, yapping away about the usual things.

“Arthur Morgan! When are you going to get off your good for nothing behind and contribute towards the camp?” she squawked. Arthur clenched his jaw tight, biting his tongue and grinding his teeth. It was all he could do to keep from exploding. Sometimes the man felt as though he was the only one who actually contributed, though he was too humble to ever say it out loud. No matter what he did it never seemed to be enough. 

He let out a deep sigh. “Well, Susan, I was just on my way…” he began to explain that he was actually just leaving for Rhodes. He was going to bring in some money, but was cut off immediately. 

“I don’t want none of your excuses, Arthur. We’re running low on supplies. Food supplies most of all. Go huntin’ or fishin’. Just be useful for once.” She placed a hand to his shoulder and forcefully turned him towards his horse. 

“Yeah, Morgan. Go and be useful,” came that familiar husky voice that set Arthur on edge every time he heard it. Arthur turned and glared at John who was leaning against a nearby tree, bottle of whiskey in hand like usual. He had been watching as Arthur was scolded, a shit eating grin plastered across his scarred face. He was loving every second of it. Oh, John picked the wrong day to try and antagonise him. Arthur was going to make sure he regretted the moment he opened his smug mouth. 

“Oh lookie who we got here. If it ain’t the father of the year!” Arthur exclaimed, shrugging Mrs Grimshaw’s hand from his shoulder as he turned to face the other man. “When’s the last time you did anythin’ around here, huh? Other than drinkin’ ya self stupid while ya baby mama looks after your kid on her lonesome, of course.” 

John’s dark eyes narrowed at Arthur but quickly widened again when he noticed that Mrs Grimshaw had now set her sights on him instead. Why’d he have to open his dang mouth? Arthur was always on him, teasing and prodding like he was trying to get a rise out of him whenever he could. John finally saw an opportunity to get a jab in and took it. Thought he had found the perfect chance to turn the tables on the older man. Make him look stupid like Arthur always did to him. Well, it backfired. Like always. 

“Mr Morgan's right,” She frowned, hands on her hips. “I think you might be even more of a useless leech than this big idiot,” She motioned her head towards Arthur, who just rolled his eyes in response. “Well, you might as well join him then. Between the two of you surely you can manage to bring back somethin’ decent.” Mrs Grimshaw grabbed John’s wrist and pulled him from where he was standing, snatching the bottle off him in the process. She shoved John in Arthur’s direction and pointed forcefully at the horses, “Now go, and don’t come back unless you return with something we can eat,” and with that she stormed off back towards her tent, nose in the air in that typical Susan Grimshaw fashion. 

“You really are a piece of work,” John growled at Arthur as the two men prepared their horses.

“That’ll teach ya to stick ya ugly mug where it don’t belong,” Arthur shrugged and then hoisted himself onto his grey shire, Chantilly. John followed suit, climbing onto Old Boy without a word. He knew when he was beat. 

Arthur had decided fishing was the best option. The stream was close by and it was the perfect time of day for bluegill and bass. Arthur was certain they could catch a decent amount in only a couple hours max. The less time they had to spend together the better was his reason for the choice. John wasn’t convinced. Plus, there was the added bonus of keeping Grimshaw off their backs for a while if they could manage to return with a big pile of the fish. John agreed, but only because he knew the stubborn arsehole wouldn’t listen to him regardless. Personally he’d have preferred hunting. Fishing was down-right boring. 

They rode together in silence. Arthur up front leading the way as usual with John trailing behind. The trip was short but scenic. The whole area was pretty. Small forests and the river to one side, a valley and farms to the other and a little over yonder was Rhodes. It was the perfect location and everyone at camp seemed a lot happier. Dutch had still demanded that they keep a low profile, which meant they couldn’t make frequent trips into town, but at least their surroundings were nice and peaceful. 

The men emerged from the other side of a small but dense forest and came upon the riverbank. Arthur hopped off his horse, giving her a gentle pat before removing his fishing pole and bait box. 

“Ya know how to fish right, Marston?” He said as he connected the river lure to the line. Arthur knew John could fish, he wasn't any good at it but he could do it, he just wanted to rile him up. Make him feel shitty.

“What kinda stupid question is that?” came the response. 

“I’m only askin’ ‘cause Jack don’t know how to fish. Figured that’s somethin’ the boy’s daddy should teach him…” Arthur wasn’t done making John’s life hell. It had only just begun and he could see by the way John’s shoulder muscles tensed that he was already starting to get to the younger man. 

“Just mind your own damn business, okay?” John said cutting Arthur off before he could continue.

Arthur let out a soft chuckle and walked towards the waters edge, casting his line far into the river. He enjoyed picking John apart. He’d tell himself it’s what the guy deserves for deserting the gang and his family, and for being good for nothing, but that wasn’t entirely it. Truthfully Arthur enjoyed John’s company a little more than a man should enjoy the company of another man but he’d never admit that out loud. He couldn’t admit it. It was all very childish but Arthur didn’t know how else to get his pent up frustrations out. This was all he knew.

John finally managed to attach the worm to the hook and joined Arthur at the river. He weakly cast his line and it fell a few feet into the water with a plop. He chanced a quick glanced at the older man, hoping he wasn’t watching and judging him like always and thankfully Arthur was looking out towards the water. John never was good at fishing. Probably because he tended to avoid large bodies of water whenever possible. 

The two men stood quietly for an eternity, or it at least felt that long to John, as they waited for the fish to bite. John was getting bored and anxious and wasn't paying particular attention so he was caught by surprise when his line suddenly tugged and jolted forward, tearing him towards the river. The fish must have been huge to pull him with such force. There were rumours of a legendary fish in these parts and John briefly wondered if that’s what was at the end of his line. To avoid falling in John let go of the rod and watched as it was pulled in deeper and out of sight. His first instinct was to look at Arthur, bracing himself for impact. He was not disappointed. 

Arthur's nostrils flared in annoyance as he reeled his line in. “You’re such a goddamn useless fool, John.” John flushed with embarrassment as Arthur spoke. “Can’t fish, can’t fuckin’ swim…”

“Shut up, Morgan. It was an accident,” John clenched his fists at his sides and Arthur stepped closer to him. Arthur wasn’t too much taller than John but he was bigger and wider in every other way and one of his many talents was making John feel small and insignificant. 

“…Can’t even provide for your own damn family,” the older, larger man continued. 

“What’s your problem?”

“You’re my problem,” Arthur spat

“Do ya wanna fight? Is that what ya want, Arthur?” John shouted, he’d almost reached his limit.

Arthur laughed in John's face. “You couldn’t fight ya way out a paper bag. Even a couple of mangy mutts got the better of ya,” he reached forward and shoved John’s chest with his large hand, making the younger man stumble back a step. John had no idea what crawled up Arthur’s arse today but he’d had enough and he wasn’t going to take it any more. John rushed forward with a growl, punching Arthur square in the jaw, sending the man's hat flying off his head.

Arthur gripped his jaw with his hand, rubbing the spot John had struck. John got him pretty good, he didn’t expect it and he hated it. Arthur retaliated and he swung his arm, aiming right for John’s nose. Arthur was bigger and stronger than John but John was faster and very nimble and dodged the fist with ease but tripped and lost his footing in the soft, unstable earth of the riverbank. John fumbled to keep his balance but his legs gave way, causing him to fall onto his arse with a thud. Arthur didn't hesitate and climbed on top of John before John could get to his feet. His muscular legs framed John’s hips caging him in while his large hands gripped the younger man’s throat. He wasn’t pressing too hard, just enough to make John feel uncomfortable. Arthur was was in a rage but he didn’t want to kill the guy, just scare him. 

"Arthur, stop!" John’s hands gripped Arthur’s wrists, trying to pry them from his neck, his body squirming underneath the weight. John’s hips were pushing and rubbing up against Arthur’s, causing Arthur to flush at the feeling that rushed through him. He unintentionally loosened his grip and John used the bigger man’s moment of weakness to his advantage and pushed Arthur backwards. It was now his turn to lunge at Arthur. John quickly straddled the man’s lap, pressing one hand to Arthur’s throat whilst the other just barely held Arthur’s arms above his head. They were almost mirroring their position from moments ago, except this time Arthur was the one struggling and John had him pinned with all his weight. He was using Arthur’s own tactics against him. They were both panting from the exertion of the fight. Eyes locked onto one another. John could feel Arthur’s pulse racing in his wrists and throat. He could feel something else too, something hard against his behind that caught him off guard and gave him pause. John couldn’t say he was completely surprised by it. 

“You a queer?” John asked bluntly, eyes scanning Arthur's face, watching for a reaction. Arthur’s blue eyes went wide, a look of horror crossed his face. He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. When he didn't receive an answer John continued. “I can feel you,” he rolled his hips back against Arthur’s, the older man’s hardness pressed up against the back of John’s thigh. Arthur’s throat betrayed him and let out a soft, choked gasp. He tore his gaze from John's and looked to the side. Expression full of shame. John finally had his chance to ridicule his tormentor, get him back for all the crap he’d given him today, but curiosity had gotten the better of him.

“I said,” John tightened his grip on Arthur’s throat, forcing Arthur to look him in the eye again “Are. You. A. Queer?”

"Fuck you, Marston," Arthur spat out and began to struggle again, trying to get himself out from under the man. They were out in the open, laying in the dirt and sand. Arthur couldn’t remember the last time he felt this vulnerable and yet his body was betraying him. His cock was rock hard and there was no hiding it.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” John let go of Arthur’s wrists and neck to grip Arthur’s vest instead, fists tightly bunching the fabric as he pulled him up. John leaned in and pressed his lips to Arthur's in a scathing and rough kiss. Arthur responded almost instantly, opening his mouth wide to let the younger man’s tongue inside. The kiss was hard and wet. Teeth clashing, tongues licking and wrestling for dominance. Arthur’s hand came up to grip the back of John’s neck pushing him in closer. Deepening the kiss. His other hand pressed to the ground behind him to keep him steady.

John had slipped further into Arthur's lap. The new position had him rocking his hips frantically against the other man. Pressing their clothed cocks together, making both men moan loudly into each other's mouths. The sound echoed and it pulled Arthur out of the moment. What was he doing? Was John taking the piss? Trying to get back at him? 

“Fuck!” He growled against John and gripped the hair at the nape of John's neck pulling roughly, causing John's head to yank back. The action had dislodged their mouths, breaking the kiss with a wet sucking sound. John yelped and looked pained but Arthur couldn’t let himself care about that right now. He shoved John off him with both hands as hard as he could and stumbled shakily to his feet. John looked up at him wide eyed and panting from where he landed. Lips red and puffy from the kiss. Long, dark hair messier than normal. He was fucking gorgeous and it just made Arthur angrier. 

“I ain’t a fuckin’ Nancy!” He shouted at the younger man. Was he trying to convince John or himself? John flinched and Arthur turned away, picking up his discarded fishing rod and tackle box and marched angrily towards his horse. John watched him quietly, still catching his breath, confused by the whole situation. Arthur wouldn’t look at him. He just climbed atop his horse and left without another word.

John got to his feet when he could no longer see or hear Arthur and dusted the dirt from his clothes. He noticed Arthur's forgotten hat bobbing in the shallows of the water and picked it up, holding it close to his chest. He wasn't quite sure what just happened or what the right thing to do in this moment was, so he did the first thing that came to mind: hunting for food as Mrs Grimshaw had originally demanded. That was whole reason they were even out here fishing and fighting in the first place.

Facing the wrath of Arthur was enough for one day, he didn’t want to return to camp empty handed and face Mrs Grimshaw too. John would just have to deal with this Arthur situation later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up editing the shit out of this chapter haha. I kept spotting mistakes >_>
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you like what you've read so far. I've had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Who knew bullying poor John could be so enjoyable? >:P


	2. I Got the Devil in Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur tries to fix himself.

Arthur's horse grunted as he spurred her on. His goal was to try and get as much distance between himself, the riverbank and the man he left behind as quickly as possible. His mind was reeling. All these different emotions ran through his head at once, confusion, rage, shame. He couldn’t keep up with his own thoughts and it was starting to give him a headache. What was John playing at back there? Why were all these feelings resurfacing again after so long? Arthur hadn't a clue and it frustrated him.

His mind began digging up old memories of way back when he was a boy. His daddy was whipping the back of his legs with his belt as Arthur cried, begging him to stop, promising he'd be good. Lyle had just caught him kissing the boy next door under the large oak tree behind their family home. He had grabbed Arthur’s arm and was forcefully dragging him towards the house. Arthur was certain his little arm had almost been pulled from it’s socket. _“You got the devil in you, boy!”_ He would shout as he struck his bare arse, sneering as Arthur sobbed. _“No son of mine is gonna be a Nancy boy. I’m gonna whip it outta you! It’s the way it’s gotta be.”_ Arthur would never forget those words.

Arthur wasn’t a religious man but he sometimes wondered if his daddy was right. If he did indeed have some sort of dark force living inside him cursing him to be this way. It would be just his luck. Though clearly his father hadn’t whipped hard enough because it was still haunting him all these years later. 

That was the last time Arthur dared to act upon his feelings when it came to other men. He buried that part of himself deep inside and walled it off. At least pretending that he was like every other hot blooded American male was easy enough. Tits and pussy. That’s what he lived for now. All he had to do was drop those words into a sentence every so often and the people around him were none the wiser.

He used that wall as a mask and hid behind it for so long he’d almost forgotten who he was underneath it, but occasionally the old Arthur peered through the cracks, trying to escape. Arthur remembered the exact moment the cracks started to appear too. How could he forget? 

John had been with them for a few years at that point and he had developed into a fine young man. He was so confident and such a show off. It was endearing. John had also started showing a lot of interest in Arthur, he looked up to him, Arthur supposed. John would beg Arthur to teach him to shoot, hunt, spit like a man, piss like a man. Anything and everything John wanted to do he’d do it with Arthur. Arthur couldn't refuse him either. When he tried the younger man would look at him with those big brown eyes and Arthur would cave. Every time. The boy was slowly chipping away at his mask and Arthur couldn’t let that happen. So, whenever he felt that John was getting too close Arthur would close off and shut him down. It wasn’t like what they were doing was wrong, but it was toeing the line and Arthur was beginning to feel those old submerged feelings bubbling up to the surface once more. Arthur just couldn’t risk it. He wouldn't let himself get hurt again and he wouldn't drag John down with him. 

Then Abigail came along and all John’s attention was now focused on her. His and John’s close relationship changed and slowly faded into what it was now, or, what it was an hour ago, before the whole scene at the river. At that river John had single-handedly destroyed the wall he'd spent years building in one blow. Arthur now realised that the feelings he had for John never really went away, they had just gotten easier to ignore.

“What have you done to me, Marston.” he sighed to himself.

Arthur arrived in Rhodes and hitched his horse by the Post Office. He climbed off Chantilly and pulled an oatcake from his satchel, offering it to the horse. She was more than happy to accept. “That’s a good girl. Ya earned that,” he said with affection in his voice.

He reached for his hat but realised he had no idea where it was. “Goddamn it!” He exclaimed angrily. What a way to top off an already lousy day. Arthur thought he must have dropped it at the river or maybe it fell off as he rode towards Rhodes, he was going pretty fast. He couldn't recall when he last had it with him as his mind had been occupied with more pressing matters. The hat belonged to his father before Arthur claimed it as his own. Arthur wasn’t quite sure why he even wore the hat of the man that abused and tormented him. Maybe it reminded him of what not to become? But regardless, he was fond of it and a little piece of him was disappointed he’d gone and lost it like an idiot. 

Arthur entered the Post Office hatless and feeling a little exposed. He nodded a silent hello to the patrons inside as he headed to the counter and they nodded back. “Greetin’s Mister." He said to the clerk. "I hear you’re a discouraged man?” his tone now hushed.

The Clerk traded a tip on a lucrative stagecoach robbery for the wad of cash Arthur offered him and then Arthur left the building, folding the paper in half and tucking it in his satchel for later. He’d grab a hot meal and a bath before setting out on the job which, until Mrs Grimshaw came along and ruined his morning, was what he originally had planned to do today.

Arthur approached the saloon but stopped a few feet from the entrance, he’d noticed some working girls hovering outside. They were calling to the gentlemen as they came and went. He chewed his lip and watched them, brain ticking over with what was probably a dumb idea. Maybe what he needed to get John off his mind was to mess about with the fairer sex? It made sense in his head. He’d set himself straight again. So his plans for the day changed again and before he could talk himself out of it, he made his way over to the women. Arthur paid for the prettiest girl and a nice room and they headed into the Saloon.

On their way to the room the girl, who he’d found out was named ‘Ruby’, was giggling at everything he’d say like he was the funniest man she'd ever met. She'd touch his shoulder and arms and tell him how handsome he was. The girl was just doing her job and, to be fair, it worked on most men but unfortunately, much to his dismay, Arthur wasn’t like most men and was beginning to find the whole thing a little uncomfortable. 

They were now alone in the room with the door closed. Ruby gently pushed Arthur back and onto the bed and began sensually removing her blouse. “Is there anything in particular I can help you with today, sir?” she said in a sweet, submissive voice, bending over to give Arthur a view of her cleavage. She ran her hands up and down Arthur’s thighs, giving them a squeeze. All the usual tricks. He felt nothing. Perhaps it was because he was still a little upset?

“C’mere.” Arthur responded grabbing her by the waist and pulling her onto his lap. The image of John straddling him quickly flashed through his mind and he shook his head, trying to push that image back down to where it came from. He couldn’t think of that now. It defeated the whole purpose. 

Arthur kissed along the girl’s chest and neck and she let out enthusiastic moans of encouragement in return. Ruby’s hand slowly moved down his broad chest to his groin and she groped at him a couple of times. Arthur felt her hand pause.

“Ummm…” She looked down at Arthur’s crotch and then back up, a concerned expression covered her face. Ruby had obviously expected to feel Arthur’s arousal but instead she was met with his soft uninterested cock. “Is somethin’ the matter, sir?” she rubbed at him again, trying to encourage it up but it wasn’t working. “Maybe one of the other girls are more to your likin’?” That wasn't likely.

“Naw, I’m sorry.” Arthur was embarrassed and his cheeks flushed a deep red. He couldn’t even look her in the eye. “It’s not you, really. I’m just havin’ an off day.” His plan had backfired. Normally, if he'd tried hard enough, he could get it up with a woman but obviously his body had other ideas today.

“Well, okay. Let’s try something else?” she said climbing off his lap and onto her knees, forcing herself between his legs. 

“You don’t gotta…” Arthur said, placing a hand to her elbow to get her to stand but she swatted him away and undid his belt and zipper. She was determined to do her job it seemed. Ruby pulled Arthur’s flaccid cock from his pants and took it to her mouth. It felt okay but Arthur was not in the mood to even try and participate anymore. He was the definition of a discouraged man in this moment.

“Please, Miss. Just don’t.” he asked, grabbing her by the arm. She ignored him. “Just stop!” He shouted and the girl flinched back. He’d startled her. "I didn't mean to shout," Arthur tried to reassure her. 

“I…I’m sorry sir. It’s just, I don’t understand?” Arthur didn’t really understand either. He quickly tucked himself back into his pants and ran his palms over his face, rubbing his eyes and sighing deeply. He was mentally and emotionally exhausted and it showed all over his face. 

Ruby put her blouse back on and made her way over to Arthur’s side, tentatively sitting next to him on the bed. Her small hand came up to rest on Arthur’s lower back. “Maybe I can help you in some other way? You seem down and I’m a real good listener. Plus, you've already paid for the time.” Arthur looked at the girl and she smiled sweetly, like she was talking to a small child. How could he open up to her about this? She was a stranger and he wasn’t in the habit of telling strangers his woes. Heck, Arthur couldn’t even open up to his own friends and family. 

“It’s complicated,” was all he said. 

“You know…” the girl started talking again once she realised Arthur wasn’t going to elaborate further. “I think I may know what ails you. We get a lot of men lookin’ for a girl to cure them of their…” She paused, trying to think of the best term, “…’unnatural urges’ and, I’m sorry but I just ain’t ever seen it work. I think you was just wired differently when you was born and that’s okay.” 

Arthur watched her, his blue eyes wide. People were reading him like a book today. It was unsettling. But the girls words hit him hard enough and Arthur found himself overcome with a wave of sadness. His eyes stung a little as they got a little teary and he quickly brought the back of his hand up to wipe them away. What a boy he was being. Arthur closed his eyes and took a deep breath, pushing those feelings back down. “Y'know, I been told I’ve got the devil in me.” He laugh and she laughed with him.

“I don’t think so. Love is love, sir. At the end of the day does it really matter whether it’s with a woman or a man?” Arthur thought about her words. They were nice and pretty and they did make him feel a little better, even if he didn’t quite believe them. Ruby stood up from the bed and moved in front of Arthur. She took his face between her petite hands and gave him one last smile before placing a small kiss on his forehead. The girl then walked towards the door. “No refunds though, sir”

Arthur laughed. “I think ya deserve the money.” He paused “Ruby. Thank you.” 

She nodded at him "You are most welcome. Goodbye and good luck with your troubles." She slipped out of the room and softly closed the door behind her leaving Arthur alone with his thoughts. 

Arthur fell back onto the bed heavily and stared up at the ceiling, a deep breath releasing from his nostrils. He was so tired. This whole day had been too much for him to process. He was used to much simpler things. All Arthur wanted to do now was sleep so he kicked off his shoes, got comfortable on the plush bed and closed his eyes. The hot bath, meal and stagecoach could wait until morning he’d decided.

Facing John again could wait too. He had a lot of feelings to sort through before even attempting to untangle that web.

***

John was mighty chuffed with himself. He’d been out hunting for hours now and had caught three rabbits, a pheasant and a large buck. Mrs Grimshaw had to be pleased with him. If she wasn’t then he hadn’t a clue what he could possibly do to make that woman happy.

He rode Old Boy into camp and removed the meat from the horse, bringing it to Pearson’s wagon for preparing. He found himself subconsciously looking around the place, trying to catch a glimpse of Arthur but there was no sight of him. John supposed the man was still cooling off somewhere. He was pretty fired up after what happened at the river. John was still unsure how things went so wrong, but there wasn’t any point in thinking about it now.

John was washing the blood and guts from Old Boy’s rump when he heard a familiar, fear inducing voice calling out to him. “Mr Marston!”

“Mrs Grimshaw.” John called in return. “Did ya see what I brought back?” He said proudly, puffing his chest up as he gestured to Pearson’s wagon. “Ain’t so useless after all, huh?”

“Congratulations on doing the bare minimum, Mr Marston.” He wasn’t sure why he expected anything different from the woman. “Where’s Mr Morgan?” She looked around for the man. 

“I, uh, he…” John scratched his head, trying to think of an answer. “He had errands to run. He’ll be back soon, I’m sure.”

She gave him a funny look. “Alright. Well, supper will be on soon. You’re covered in scum. Get washed, or don’t bother showin’ up.”

John washed up as he was told and joined the rest of the gang for supper. They all ate around the camp fire. Javier was singing one of his favourite songs, it was in Spanish though so no one else could really sing along. Uncle was telling Jack a ghost story, but he was drunk and forgot the plot halfway through. Even Abigail, who usually wore the most sour expression imaginable when John was nearby, seemed happy. There was just a general feeling of peace in the air. 

John however, was unsettled and restless. 

It was now dark and Arthur still hadn’t returned to camp. It not like it was abnormal for Arthur to leave camp for days on end without a word, but with the way things were left between them earlier that morning John couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of dread within his stomach. He swallowed the feeling down along with a spoonful of the warm stew. Arthur was a grown man he could take care of himself. John convinced himself Arthur would be back in the morning and then they could talk and fix this mess he'd created. Then everything could go back to normal again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I really wanted to explore what it might be like for someone in such deep denial over something about themselves that they can't change and the kinds of choices they might make when they feel like their secrets are getting exposed. 
> 
> I don't know if I actually managed to portray that properly but I had a lot of fun writing it anyway.


	3. Dumb Luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dumb luck brings John and Arthur back together.

John couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned until he could stand it no longer. His mind kept thinking back to Arthur. To their kiss. The feeling of their bodies pressed against one another. John brought a hand down and palmed at his groin. His cock was quickly filling with lust. He bit his bottom lip hard to stifle the small moan threatening to escape. 

He didn’t know what went wrong. John had always had a feeling there was something different about Arthur. That maybe he fancied the company of men instead of women. It was the looks the older man gave him and those ever so slight touches that lingered a little longer than they ought to. sure, Arthur could be a mean son of a bitch and he would treat him like shit sometimes but that only began recently and John felt like he deserved it. 

John knew he had hurt the man deeply when he left for a year. He wished he could undo that more than anything but John had to leave. He wasn’t ready to be a father and he and Abigail weren’t working together anymore either. Plus Arthur had been acting strange and distant towards him. John convinced himself the man hated him and it filled him with sadness. John had to get away from it all for a bit.

John had finally received confirmation of what he suspected about Arthur all along when he had felt the man’s hardness against his body at the river. John hoped that with a kiss he could show Arthur that it was okay. That Arthur could trust him and that John wanted him back. Sure, John teased him a little first but the man did deserve it, he was being insufferable. It’s just, John didn’t expect it to go so horribly wrong. Thinking back he could see how maybe Arthur thought John was just trying to catch him out but that wasn’t his intention at all. His intention was to have that beautiful, big man take him then and there on that riverbank. 

A soft moan escaped John’s lips at the thought and he continued to jerk himself off. It didn’t take long and soon John was coming over his own stomach to the image of Arthur. Biting his fist to muffle the sounds he was making. He quickly and quietly wiped his mess up and curled onto his side, facing the opening of the tent looking out at the camp. If Arthur wasn’t back in the morning, and John was inclined to think he wouldn't be, then he’d have to go out and find him and explain everything. No holding back. 

John closed his eyes with that plan in mind and finally drifted to sleep. 

Morning came and John was awoken by the usual sounds: the gang preparing breakfast, doing chores, arguing and conspiring. He sat up and stretched, his spine cracking loudly. He noticed Arthur’s hat sitting on a chair in the corner of his tent and smiled. Arthur would be lost without that thing. John grabbed a shirt from his trunk and left the tent, heading over to Arthur’s to see if he’d returned. 

He hadn’t, just like he thought.

“Arthur didn’t come back last night, son.” Dutch emerged from his own tent nearby, lighting his pipe as he stated the obvious. “You know how he is. Boy’s a wanderer.” 

John just shrugged. 

“Say, John. Would you mind going into town for me today?” 

“Well, I actually had other plans, Dutch”

Dutch watched John with an unreadable expression. He puffed at his pipe a few more times before taking it from his mouth, waving it in the air as he spoke, “That can wait. I need you to head on over to Rhodes. Pick up a couple of things for me. They’re at the Post Office. Speak with the clerk and tell him you’re there to pick up a package for ‘Aiden O’Malley’.” Dutch popped the pipe back into his mouth and waited.

John knew he couldn’t decline a request from Dutch without a good reason, unless he wanted to face some kind of repercussion that is. So, with a deep sigh, he agreed. “Yeah, okay, Dutch. I’ll head off now.”

“You’re a good boy,” the older man said and disappeared back into his tent. 

John washed up, grabbed an apple for the road, and began preparing Old Boy for the trip. If he headed out immediately he could get this out of the way quickly and get back to finding Arthur. 

It didn’t take John too long to reach Rhodes. John wasn’t too familiar with the place and had to search for the Post Office. Thankfully the town was small. He wasn’t usually included in missions that took place in populated areas. Dutch had said his face drew too much attention. The scars were too recognisable. John supposed with Arthur gone there wasn’t really anyone else Dutch could have asked to run his errands for him this time. Not like Dutch would go out and do them himself.

After only a few minutes of looking John had found the Post Office and was just about to go inside when he noticed a familiar grey Shire hitched to the post on the other side of the building. 

“Chantilly?” He said with a tone of disbelief. John walked up to the horse and gave her a pat . What dumb luck. “You know where Arthur is, Lady?” The horse just whinnied. John brought a hand to his forehead to shield his eyes from the sun as he looked around. He guessed the Post Office would be his first stop and then he’d probably try the Saloon. Arthur couldn’t be far if his horse was here. 

John wandered into the post office. “Hey. You seen a big bear of a man come through here recently?” John asked the clerk. “He was wearin’ a black vest and white shirt.”

“Oh, yes. He came through here just yesterday afternoon. Didn’t stay long though.” The clerk leaned forward and pointed out the door. “Think I seen him head to the Saloon.”

“Thank you, Sir.” John tipped his hat and left, completely forgetting to ask for Dutch’s parcel. 

John jogged across the dirt road and pushed through the Saloon doors. A few heads looked up to see who entered but they turned back around and went about their business quick enough. John walked over to the counter and leaned against it, gesturing for the bartender to come over. 

“Sir, you seen a big guy come through here sometime yesterday afternoon?” John described Arthur to the bartender who confirmed he’d rented room 2B to a man that fit that description and his lady friend. That puzzled John a little but he thanked the bartender anyway and headed up the stairs.

“Lady friend?” he muttered to himself.

***

Arthur was startled awake by a loud thud at the door. “What in the hell?” he groaned. Arthur had slept like a log. It must have been a combination of the comfy bed and the exhaustion, and to be awoken from a sleep like that was just plain rude. He turned his head and looked towards the door. Hoping whoever it was would go away if he didn’t answer but there was no such luck. 

There was another impatient knock. 

“Alright, I’m comin’. Hold ya damn horses.” He shouted loudly as he got up from the bed and lazily walked towards the knocking. He was wonky on his feet from being half asleep. Arthur didn’t even have time to put a shirt on and he looked a mess so he quickly rubbed the sleep from his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times, trying to look presentable and not like a complete slob. When he was done primping Arthur pulled the door open “What do ya wan-” his voice caught in his throat. Was John standing at his door or was he still asleep?

“Hey, Morgan.” there was that husky voice again. John quickly looked him up and down. “Ya look like crap.”

“John? What are ya doing here?” 

“Runnin’ errands for Dutch. Doing your jobs ya useless lug.” John looked a little anxious but still managed to get a jab in. The younger man nervously tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and Arthur’s heart skipped a beat. “You never came back to camp after, y’know… and then I saw your horse hitched by the Post Office…” John looked awkwardly down the hall of the saloon and then back to Arthur. “C-can I come in?” 

“Look John, I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” clearly John didn’t agree because he placed a hand to Arthur’s chest, pushing him aside to grant himself access to the room before Arthur could even finish his sentence. John’s touch branded Arthur’s chest like a hot iron. “Well okay then. Make yaself at home.” Arthur said under his breath and closed the door behind them. He stood with his arms folded and watched John. The younger man was looking around the room, picking up random objects and placing them back down like he didn’t know what to do with his hands. 

“Man at the bar said you was with a lady friend?” John finally spoke, tilting his head to look at Arthur. Arthur’s eyes darted away and he shuffled his feet nervously. 

“Yes well, not that it’s any of ya business, John but that’s somethin’ men do when they need some company through the night.”

“You ain’t like that though,” John said flatly turning his whole body to the other man. 

“Excuse me?” Arthur’s posture became defensive and his eyes narrowed. 

Arthur could be unpredictable and John knew this would most likely go one of two ways. Either Arthur would lunge at him and beat him black and blue or he’d throw him out the door. Lord know’s he’s strong and capable enough to do it, but at this point John didn’t really have much to lose.

“Look, I ain’t sorry for what happened at the river, Arthur.” John took a step closer. “I understand how you are…”

“Don’t say another word, John. You don’t know nothin’.” Arthur spoke through gritted teeth.

John ignored him and continued. “I like women, but I like men too.” John took another step forward and Arthur began to feel crowded against the door. “and I know you like men. I felt how much you liked me.” His voice was hushed and John gently touched a hand to one of Arthur’s arms folded tightly across his chest. 

“Ya talkin’ nonsense,” Arthur’s voice was shaky as he let John move his arms away from where they were tightly crossed. He suddenly felt very exposed.

“We both know I ain’t.” John spread a hand over the older man’s chest, brushing through the light hairs, his thumb gently rubbing over one of Arthur's nipples. John was watching his face with pupils blown wide, searching for a reaction. Arthur tried his best not to give him one but when John’s other hand gently cupped his crotch he couldn’t help but worry at his lip. John could feel the man tenting in his pants and gave a little squeeze. Arthur’s breath hitch in his throat.. 

“What are you playin’ at?” He still didn’t trust that this wasn’t all a big set up to get back at him for everything that happened at the river.

“I ain’t playin’. I want this. With you. I want it.” John confessed aggressively as he mouthed at Arthur’s throat, hand working on rubbing and squeezing at Arthur’s cock until it was standing at full attention behind the cloth of his trousers. 

Arthur managed to gain control of his arms again and roughly pushed John back and out of his space. Arthur needed a moment to think. He look at the younger man, letting his eyes fall from John’s flushed face down to his pants. John’s own length hard and obvious through the fabric. He quickly looked back up. Arthur had no idea why John wanted this with him but it seemed as though he did indeed want it. Arthur found himself more open to the idea that perhaps this was okay and that there wasn't really anything wrong with taking what he wanted. Even if the rest of the world didn't agree. He could thank Ruby for that.

So Arthur allowed himself to walk towards John, he pressed his hand to John’s chest and pushed him back and onto the bed. John looked up at Arthur with a pleased smile. Like a brat who’d finally gotten what he wanted. John wasted no time and reached forward, gripping Arthur’s arse with both hands bringing the man in closer until Arthur’s hips were in line with his face. John leaned forward and began mouthing at Arthur’s covered cock. Licking and soaking the fabric. Arthur groaned at the sight and brought a hand to John’s head, running his fingers through his dark hair, trailing them down to trace his scars. 

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this.” John unbuttoned Arthur’s pants and pulled the zipper down. “I used to think of you at night when we was boys. Still do.” He pushed Arthur’s trousers and underwear down just a little, freeing his length. “Did you think of me too?”

“Always,” Arthur confessed, relief washing through him as he finally admitted it.

That filled John with joy and to show his appreciation he took Arthur into his mouth and sucked. His tongue working on the underside of Arthur’s thick length as he used a hand to rub at the base of the cock. John's other hand gripping at Arthur's arse, encouraging the man to move. 

Arthur gently thrust his hips forward, pushing himself deeper into John’s throat and John took it like he was born to. Arthur began to breathe heavily, this was all too much too fast and he was getting close already. He couldn’t finish now, they had only just started. “John, stop. Stop.” Arthur pulled at the man’s hair to get his attention and John released his throbbing cock with a slick pop. 

“What?”

“You’ll finish me at this rate.” Arthur laughed and petted John’s hair, brushing it from his face. 

“Fair point. Would ya mind getting on the bed then?” It was more of an instruction than a question and Arthur obliged. He laid on his back and watched the younger man, who had gotten up off the bed and was rummaging through his satchel. John pulled out a tin of something and placed it next to Arthur. Next, John impatiently removed Arthur’s pants and underwear, throwing them off to the side, leaving the man feeling a little exposed and vulnerable. Thankfully John had begun removing his own clothing too and soon they were both stark naked. 

The men looked over each other's bodies. Studying everything they could about one another. Arthur noticed that John had a broad chest but a skinny little waist and his cock was smaller than his but thick. He wanted the man on him now so he reached forward and grabbed John’s wrist, tugging at it. 

“Are ya goin’ to stand there all day or are we gonna fuck?” Arthur asked, obviously finding some confidence now that they were both naked and rock hard in each others company. 

John laughed and climbed on top of the bigger man, straddling his hips. Arthur placed his hands on John’s legs, rubbing them gently. “Yesterday ya couldn’t stand the sight of me.” John said and leaned forward to kiss Arthur’s collarbone. 

“You know that ain’t true. I was just…goin’ through some stuff.” He felt John’s lips move to his neck, then his ear, and then his cheek. “I’ve wanted you for longer than I can remember, John.” Arthur grabbed the younger man’s jaw, pressing it down so his lips parted. John really was beautiful, in his own unique way. Arthur sat up slightly and licked John’s lower lip before closing his mouth around it, sucking it. 

John moaned and kissed back, opening his mouth to let Arthur’s curious tongue in. Arthur’s soft, short beard brushed against John’s face as they tilted their heads to get a better, deeper angle. John sucked on Arthur’s tongue and nipped at his lips before leaning back, breaking the kiss so he could grab the little tin he’d placed on the bed earlier. He opened it, a strong smell filled the room. It wasn’t bad. It was just different. 

“What’s that?” Arthur asked as he kissed John under his ear, nipping his earlobe gently. 

“It’ll help work you inside me. Make it feel even better.” The other man answered and sat back on Arthur’s thighs. John gripped Arthur’s cock in his hand and massaged the oily substance onto it. Arthur thought that it felt rather nice, mostly because of the hands rubbing it in. John then came back up and leaned forward. He reached his hand back and aligned Arthur’s cock head with his entrance. John licked into Arthur’s mouth once more before he sat upright and lowered himself slowly onto the hard length. 

Arthur gripped John’s hips hard and moaned a little too loudly when the younger man had completely sheathed his cock inside him. It was so tight. Arthur had never felt anything like it. He couldn’t believe this was even happening. Arthur wondered if he had actually woken from his sleep earlier or was he dreaming. 

John paused to catch his breath. With Arthur’s help he was soon able to start moving up and down the length. His pace quickening. Arthur moved his hips in time with John’s, bucking up as John would come down. Setting a nice rhythm between their bodies. 

“Ah, ah. Fuck.” John gasped out when he’d shifted in just the right way, helping the blunt head of Arthur’s cock to hit that bundle of nerves in his body repeatedly. “H-harder, Arthur. Please.” He begged, husky voice breaking as he whined. John’s neglected cock had begun leaking precum on Arthur’s stomach. Arthur thought he must be getting close. 

Arthur couldn’t really fuck up into him any harder in this position so he wrapped an arm around John to keep him steady and flipped their position so he was now on top. John brought his legs up and clamped them around Arthur’s hips, trying to drag him back in deeper. Arthur started pounding into him. Using the leverage his feet now had on the bed to thrust as hard as possible. The bed was creaking loudly under their weight. 

John babbled nonsense every time Arthur's hips snapped forward. One of his hands gripping the bed sheets while the other clawed and scratched at Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur grabbed John’s swollen cock and pumped it in time with his thrusts as well as he could. He could feel his balls tighten and knew he was getting close to the edge. He wouldn't last much longer. 

“I’m close,” Arthur said between breaths. John nodded and raised his head kissing Arthur’s lips as the older man came deep inside him with a choked growl. “Fuck…” He rolled his hips into John as the last of his cum filled the younger man. Arthur continued pumping John’s cock through his orgasm and not too long after John was spilling his seed all over his stomach and Arthur’s hand with a loud, breathy moan. 

Arthur slowly pulled out of John and sat up, pausing to catch his breath. He looked over at John and smiled. The boy was completely fucked out. They were sticky and sweaty so Arthur leaned over the other man and to grab an article of clothing to clean themselves up with. He felt John’s hand rest on his back as he did so. Both men were quiet, save for their laboured breathing as Arthur tidied them up, wiping the cum and sweat from their bodies. It was strangely intimate. When he was done he threw the shirt to the ground. 

“Get over here.” John demanded and Arthur obliged, laying next to John, pulling the man over so John could rest his head on his chest. 

Arthur hadn’t realised he was an ‘after sex cuddler’ until now and he laughed. His chest bobbing up and down which caused John’s head to move as well. 

John lifted his head to look at Arthur. “What are ya laughin’ about?” He asked curiously and couldn’t help but laugh too. Arthur’s laugh had always been infectious, John just wished he’d heard it more often.

“Just, all of this.” He answered. “and I think you may have fucked the devil out of me." Arthur said as he realised that, in this moment, he no longer felt shame over who he was.

“What?” John said with a chuckle. 

“It's nothin’. Don’t worry,” Arthur pressed a kiss to John’s temple, and brushed some of his sticky, black hair behind his ear. “So…You like women and you like men, huh?” Arthur asked with a cheeky grin.

“I think I just like to fuck,” John replied and both men laughed again.

“Oh, I almost forgot, I found ya hat.” John was tracing his fingers along Arthur’s chest and sides. It felt so good and was putting Arthur to sleep. “Ya dropped it in the river when we was fightin’.”

“Well ain’t you just the best.” Arthur said sleepily. “I did wonder where it got to. I was a little lost without it.”

“I knew ya would be.”

“Thank you, John.”

Arthur wasn’t sure how they were going to make this thing work between the two of them but that was a thought for another day. Right now he was happy for the first time in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.  
> I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
> I love these two idiots and hope I did them some justice.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my work.  
> Please leave kudos/comments if you want :)


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